How would you describe your childhood?

I’m from a big family and when I was quite young we lived on a farm.  We moved around quite a bit and went to a few different schools.  I enjoyed school, but I struggled with reading and writing. I enjoyed playing a lot of sport and I liked long distance running. 

We always visited our Gran and Grandad for holidays.  I remember going fishing and crabbing too. One time when we went fishing, the stingray was so big, we thought it was an island in the water!

How old were you when you had your son, Michael?

Well, he was due around my 17th birthday. But he came six weeks early, so I was 16.

When I had my son, Michael, it was just like having something extra in my life.  My life didn’t change much, I just had a bundle of joy with me.  It got hard sometimes, but my Mum was wonderful and supportive, and I had a lovely family that was there for me, so it was good. 

What was it like finding out you were pregnant?

I was pretty excited when I found out that I was pregnant but nervous at the same time.  I think I was a bit calmer and it was a bit less frightening for me because my sister already had a baby and her daughter was wonderful.  I really enjoyed changing a nappy and silly things like that. I thought this must be easy. But I didn’t plan to fall pregnant.

What was it like telling people that you were pregnant?  How was it telling Michael’s father?

He went to school with me and was a little older than me.  I can’t remember exactly the time I told him, but he was really excited. 

Mum encouraged me.  Straight away it was, “Okay you’re going to be a mum” and we just started towards me being a mum.

As for other people in the community, when they noticed you’re pregnant and you’re a teen, they sort of weren’t happy with you back then. 

What was your experience with school?  Did you go to school for a few weeks knowing you were pregnant and how did that feel?

When I found out I was pregnant I went to school for a little bit. School camp was coming up and I was really worried that my belly might just pop out while I was at camp. So, I decided to leave school before camp.

When they said that Michael’s father had to head home to Papua New Guinea, how did you feel about that?

He was on a school visa and because we were getting kicked out of school for my pregnancy, the school did say I’d have to marry him to keep him in the country.  But being so young, I couldn’t do that.  I think the school just asked me once and that’s it.  I don’t think it was a thing we had thought about for a week or something.  I had to make a choice there and then.  It was really tough, but I was really young back then.  I wasn’t ready for marriage.  Not even quite ready to be a Mum. 

Would you like to share a little bit about your birthing story?

I was really nervous before going in.  I think that’s the scariest part of being a Mum. Because I went into labour early, it was before my antenatal classes were supposed to start.  But I assumed babies just come one way, so yeah.  

I remember going into labour at home.  My back was hurting a lot and I didn’t know it was labour.   I was with one of my younger brothers and I kept asking him to bring me a hot water bottle, but he was watching TV and kept saying he’d get it at the ad break, but then he forgot.  When Mum got home and found out I had back pain, she recognised I was in labour because she had been a nurse and she rushed me to the after-hours doctor.  The poor doctor had lots of major things happening including someone choking, someone having a heart attack, and me wanting to give birth.  The doctor had to pick which one to do first and I was last because I was just having a baby.  I felt so sorry for him.  When he got to me, he was like, “Oh no, just go home, you’ll be alright”.  But when I got home, we decided to call an ambulance so we could go up to the Nambour hospital.  Two or three ambulances turned up and the team were all excited saying they hadn’t had someone give birth in their ambulance.  I was sitting there thinking, “Oh great, so you’re telling me you haven’t done this before.”

Giving birth was hard work.  I didn’t have any coaching beforehand and didn’t know what to expect.  Just picturing a baby coming out of an area that’s small, it was a bit scary.  The other thing that scared me before I gave birth was hearing the other lady in the birthing ward screaming at the top of her voice.  When I went in, I didn’t scream.  I didn’t have a partner there to scream at or anything, so I didn’t see the point.  I wouldn’t have screamed anyway. 

And then, yeah, I did have a little bit of the drugs they offered at one stage, because I was in a lot of pain.  I was meant to have a certain amount and then if I had too much my hand would drop away but Mum was leaning against me and my arm couldn’t drop away so I ended up spinning out for a little bit.  The doctor said I’d be alright.  Mum was a bit worried because I was slurring my words and the room was spinning around me.  Besides that, the rest went well.

Because Michael was a premmie baby, he had to have a tube through his nose for a little bit and then I breastfed.  He was as small as my hand and weighed only a little bit more than a butter container (2220g / 4 lb 13 oz). 

How did your friends and other people respond to you becoming a young mum?

My friends were excited for me. I stayed in hospital for a couple of weeks after giving birth because Michael was born prematurely.  I think half the grade came to see me while I was there.

Afterwards, my friends let me come over a lot.  They always looked forward to it.  They all wanted to play with him. They’d tell me to go have a break, we’ll just have him.  So, all my girlfriends were really supportive.

I think a lot of people who didn't know me, like from the community, sometimes would have a go at me. One time Mum went to the pharmacy and I was out the front with my son. People had a go at me about being a young mum and they were just really rude and terrible. But when mum came back we just said, “Oh, have a lovely day” and then we just hopped up and walked away.  I tried not to let it bother me too much.  I know what I did, becoming a parent at that age, wasn’t the perfect thing, but you know, it’s not everything.  Your life doesn’t always go exactly to your plans. 

How were you able to prevent the negative comments from bothering you?

Well, sometimes it was better than other times.  Sometimes you can get a lot of people doing it all the time. 

When I pushed my son around the neighbourhood in his pram, a lot of people thought I was helping my Mum and they’d go “Oh, it’s nice of you to take the kids for a walk for your Mum.”  Like, as in my baby was just my brother.  So, a lot of people thought that. 

I didn’t have any intentions of having a baby or sleeping with my partner but I wouldn’t change it for the world because my son actually made me stronger.  I had something extra special.

Having him actually gave me the freedom to go see my grandparents a lot more too.  Instead of being stuck in school or getting a job and being stuck doing stuff and thinking I’ll do that later and then not getting the opportunity, I got an opportunity to show him off to my grandparents before they passed away.  They lived about a six-hour drive from us (over 360km / 223 miles away). 

My son used to love just sitting there for hours watching while Grandad filleted fish and chopped wood.  He just loved all that type of stuff, and it was lovely to sit back and watch him learn stuff that I didn’t really know how to do.  I can do both of them now, but back then it was better that my Grandad taught my son because he knew a lot more than me.

Now, people still think I’m way too young to have my son.  They think I’m his friend from school.  Like his age.  It’s because I’m short. 

You were a single parent, do you want to make any comments on that situation?

Yeah, my son’s father was on a student exchange. He got sent back home to Papua New Guinea, when I got pregnant.  So, we didn’t have much time to spend together. 

I pretty much had to do it on my own.  It was hard work.  But I had my mum and family, and I had a good son.

What do you remember about Michael when he was young?

When he was really small, he’d do something silly but naughty, I’d have to turn around, compose myself, and then turn around and tell him it was naughty and not the right thing instead of laughing.  It was really hard sometimes because it was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. 

And I just loved getting hugs from my son. He was always giving me hugs and stuff and it just really lifted me up if I was ever down.  He was very cute.

Don't get me wrong, he had his moments. Like we all do. We're all human. But, he was pretty good.

You’ve shared some of the positives, but were there any other negative impacts of becoming a teen parent in those early years?

I wanted to finish school. I was going to do maybe a TAFE course or trade and I did that anyway so no, I don’t really think things were negative.  I studied mechanics, hairdressing and disability support work.  It was a bit hard for me because I wasn’t good at English or reading but whatever you put your mind to, you can still do it.

The only thing that I missed out on was my formal.  That’s one thing I really wanted to do, but in the scheme of things, it didn’t matter.  I think I wanted to dress up because I didn’t really dress up much.  I’ve since been a bridesmaid a few times so that’s enough. 

The most challenging part was not letting people discourage me and tell me I can't do stuff.  They had their own opinions of what I should have done or what should have been done.  But we shouldn’t be judged so much. 

How different do you think your life has turned out compared to siblings or friends who didn't become parents in their teens?

I think a lot of things are different, but I think there are different paths for everyone. Lots of my friends took different paths.  Even though they got their careers first and then probably had kids and I did it the other way around, I think we all did well.

What are the achievements that you are most proud of since becoming a teen parent?

My son being so good. It’s not really what I’m doing, now he’s making all the right choices.  He’s a fully qualified chef and yeah he’s wanting to see the world.  He’s gone travelling and yeah he’s doing different adventures and just lots of things. I’m proud of him and his heart.  He's reliable and he's always helping someone or doing something kind for someone, and he just loves life.

Oh and he finished school and I was really proud of him because it’s something that I didn’t do. 

What are some of the things you've been able to do since becoming a teen parent?

I went to Fiji when my son was three. We didn’t go to a resort, we stayed in the villages and learned so much from the different culture. Then later on when he was a lot older, I’ve been to Europe, Japan and Singapore and right now I’m on a trip to New Zealand.  So yeah, it’s lovely to be able to travel.  And I’ve seen a lot of my country Australia.  So, I’ve been really lucky.

What services, resources or people helped you the most as a teen parent?  What more could your community have done that would have made things easier for you?

Well, my Mum definitely helped me the most.  She was a good role model and my older sister helped me a lot.  She moved away a few months after my son was born, but I still learned a lot from her having her daughter and doing such a good job.  Also, a couple of ladies from church had children around the same time. They took me under their wings and were lovely to me so that really helped. 

Also, the government (through Centrelink) provided discounted train tickets each year to concession card holders, which gave Michael and I the opportunity to travel to visit our grandparents and other relatives on our low budget. We both have fond memories of these trips and we still laugh about them even now.

I suppose people could have asked more if we needed help because I never had a car when my son was younger.  I didn’t even get a pram for a while because I was worried that I couldn’t afford it.  Or maybe support workers could have come and talked to us or something.  I don’t know.  There could have been more community activities for people to do stuff together with their kids. Playing in safe environments, maybe. So, the ladies could talk while the kids are playing and you don’t have to stress.

When you were a teen parent, did you know of any celebrity teen parents or any famous children of teen parents or even other teen parents in the community that were inspirational?

No, I don't think so.  Only my lovely sister.  Like it was just her and me. I don't remember knowing anybody else.  If I had known that there were other really successful teen parents, I think I probably would have been even stronger.

Since you've become a teen parent, what has given you hope?

Well, I believe in God. So, I do pray and I believe he gives me the strength and the hope each day.

But my son was what, pretty much, made me strong.

Do you have any life hacks or any top tips you'd want to share with other young parents?

It's okay for a baby to cry.  Yeah, it only means they’re hungry, thirsty, wet, or just a few things like that. Like, don't panic. I used to stress if my son cried because I thought ohh no, something's gone wrong, but they just communicate with crying as well. And it's not all bad. So just ‘cause the baby cries, don't stress.

Also, you're stronger than you think so just hang in there and trust yourself.  Sometimes we don't think we can do stuff, but then we end up doing amazing things if we give ourselves a go.

And try and get good support, a support network. That's one good thing, even if you're feeling down sometimes other people can help you or ask for help.

And don't settle for less in a partner, yeah.  Sometimes it might take longer than you think too.

What are you most looking forward to in your future?

Travelling with my son.  In 2017-2018, Michael lived in Japan. I went for two weeks to visit him and it was awesome. He taught me how to snowboard and we went out to nice places to eat. Yeah, it was awesome just spending this time with him and meeting his friends. And they were all like, oh, she's so young because I just look like one of them.  But yeah, it was nice seeing my son happy.

I'm also excited about doing more support work. I really would love to help the community so I'm looking forward to that.

For your last question, do you feel that being a teen parent has been more negative or more positive in your life?

It was more positive.  For sure. Yeah. Not a doubt. I did love it. I believe I thrived in it.

I'm not saying that it's not very hard and difficult being a mum at such a young age. But you know, I didn't really have to give anything up, I just had something extra!

Editor’s note: If anyone is like me and wants to know how big that stingray may have been (the one that Melissa saw in her childhood and thought was “as big as an island”) then I’ve got you.

Melissa saw the stingray in Lake Weyba (a shallow, saltwater lake fed by a tributary of the Noosa River), which is a known breeding ground for stingrays. The name of the lake is derived from the Gubbi Gubbi word for stingray - the Gubbi Gubbi people being the traditional owners of the land on which Melissa has lived for most of her life. Lake Weyba is 9.6 square kms in size and home to thousands of these creatures.

The likely species that Melissa spotted, a cowtail stingray, grows to a length of 3 metres, width of 1.8m and weighs over 250kg - this is more than 100 times the size of Michael when he was born!

(A local news report with photo of a massive stingray nearly the size of a paddleboard can be accessed here).

While we’re on the topic of stingrays, here’s a final bit of random life advice for you. (Note: it’s not as useful as Melissa’s top tips.) If you are ever in stingray waters, the secret to avoiding their venomous and excruciatingly painful punctures is to do the stingray shuffle - swish or slide your feet along the sandy bottom when you are wading in their waters. Just think of Zendaya and Timothee Chalamet’s characters doing the sandwalk in the blockbuster film “Dune”!

Page last updated: 24 May 2024